The good feelings generated by a weekend at Earnley lasted well into the next week. Then I had Ian Hacking to stay for a day and a half and it all fell apart again. He didn’t do anything dreadful. Quite the contrary, I think he was trying to be nice. It could well be that I am the one who is difficult. Whatever! Anyway, I found myself weeping and feeling miserable until I spoke to KD on Wednesday. She is so wonderful. I’m trying to change my default mode from dejected and despondent to jolly and positive. I’ve been the former just about all of my life so there is work to do. I wish it were as simple as changing the default mode on a computer; especially when it flashes a warning which states that ‘pressing this button will delete everything that has gone before’. Wouldn’t it be great if I could delete the past three years? I think it is called senile dementia. If I do get it, I will praise the day when someone says, “Malcolm Pike”, and I say, “Whose that then?” See what I’m doing? I’m slipping into my easy default. STOP, I say. Look out the window at your beautiful garden and put a smile on your face. I’m going to The Playhouse tonight to see The Crucible. A friend of mine is in it. Actually, it’s Judith who is a combination friend/gardener. My garden wouldn’t look nearly as good if it weren’t for her.
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